Part II - Our Words Matter - An End of the Year Reflection

Words carry unbelievable power. Words have the unique ability to help, to bring joy, to encourage, to destroy, to cause pain, to shame, or to humble. Our words matter. This not only applies to the words we speak to others, but what we say to ourselves. I strongly believe that we can be our own worst critic and say things to ourselves that we would NEVER dream to say (or think about) to other people.  

Knowing my tendency to listen to my inner critic and leaning into the idea of living a purposeful and meaningful life, (check out the first part of the blog here) I decided at the end of 2013 to select a POSITIVE word to live into in the coming year. That started a chain reaction of going year to year over the last 5 years as a way live a meaningful story and a practice I plan to continue. 

My inspiration in sharing these past words and the word for 2019, comes from a graphic artist friend, Adam Cassidy. Adam created a logo for the Kettering Before I Die wall back in 2013 and gave this explanation in his artist statement: 

"I decided that the speech bubble was an appropriate concept for this logo because sometimes it's not enough to just think about the list of things we want to do...In order to actually complete that list, we have to declare them and say them out loud. We have to share them with other people. It's when we start to share these things with others that they begin to become real. That list of items become a promise to ourselves, and we have a better chance of actually doing those things if others are holding us accountable."                                      -Adam Cassidy 

So taking my cue from Adam, I’m stepping out of my comfort zone and being vulnerable by not keeping these words to myself or my "inner circle" of friends so that they become more real. My hope is that each person reading my reflections of the last 4 years will find a graceful way to reflect on this past year (not letting your inner critic get the best of you) as a way to “take on” the new year in a way that will bring life. 

2014 – Traveler

Sometimes the best way to get out of your comfort zone, be open to change, and learning more about yourself and others is accomplished best by getting away and being immersed where you are. Travel makes us modest; it is in the travel that we realize how small we really are. Having a "traveler" mentality while away on a trip or even at home I wanted to not take things for granted, to notice what made each place unique, and to get to know other people's stories. Reflecting back on 2014, this is exactly what happened. For instance, this blog started in 2014 and is titled "Traveling Thoughts." Coincidence? I think not. 

Sailing in San Francisco

I started out the first two weeks of the year in Vietnam and Cambodia through a cross-cultural immersion for my MDiv degree program with Methodist Theological School in Ohio. Shortly after this transformative experience, I followed through on a promise I made to my late cousin and raced in the Crescent City Classic 10K with family in New Orleans. The race always takes place on Holy Saturday which I found fitting as I felt that I was in a liminal space of in-between as a churned in the miles remembering what happened in 2013. The following month, I took what I called a “spiritual pilgrimage” to San Francisco over an anniversary as a way to find healing and direction. In the summer, I spent almost three weeks renovating the kitchen and dining room of Tijuana Christian Mission with multiple teams. That fall, I conquered the white waters of West Virginia with friends, and traveled back to Tijuana to celebrate Tijuana Christian Mission’s 50 years of being in ministry. 

These are exactly the experiences I needed coming out of 2013 to help me find direction, experience healing, and be renewed. 

2015 – Student of Life 

As the year came to a close in 2014, so did my professional academic career. Spending the last 4 years in seminary and most of my life in the classroom, I was looking forward to seeing what a life committed to learning looked like everyday. 

Professionally, I was in the midst of West Ohio’s Residency Program, which provided a lot of teaching, wisdom, and insight when it came to ministry. Not only did I get to be formally mentored by Rev. Randy Stearns, I was able to learn different ministries and leaders at Faith Community UMC in West Chester. I was stretched in the areas of preaching, leading and creating worship experiences, the administrative aspects of the church, etc. I ultimately learned that year that I was not called to be a senior pastor at a church! 

Personally, I learned what healthy balance could start to look like for me post-seminary. Going to school full time while working full time was no joke! While I didn’t totally “nail it” in 2015, balance was something I was determined to start to learn. This was also the first year of the "Best 9" on Instagram. Looking back on these photos, I was encouraged to see the balance of life and work I was hoping to start to learn.

2016 – Open Hands

This mantra was inspired by two people who are very influential in my life. The idea of “open hands” first came from author Bob Goff and was affirmed by a conversation with a great friend, Jen. 

Bob Goff reminded me about his idea of “palms up” in his book Love Does that I re-read (or listened to via audiobook read by HIM – it’s like listening to your grandfather read great stories) in 2015. If you haven’t read this book or Everybody Always, I highly recommend it. My friend shared the idea that year holding relationships with “open hands." Reflecting on both of those ideas, I decided that I would enter 2016 with a more “open” approach when it came to relationships, experiences, and life. 

Little did I know that this year would be one of the hardest of my life. It seemed like everything and everyone around me were either imploding or exploding by March. I felt like I was left to clean up the pieces in the midst of grieving my own pain. I believe I was able to do this because I found grounding in approaching things with “open hands" in the aftermath. This helped me to remember that I was not ultimately in control and that I could approach things and people with closed tight fists or be more open in willing to accept and/or let go of things. By no means did I live this mantra of “open hands” perfectly – again it was one step forward five leaps backward that year. However, this phrase did help me to release the death grip of the clench fists I found myself making during difficult times and letting go of some toxic relationships.  

2017 – Redemption

More than ready to see 2016 come to an end, I was determined to experience new life in 2017 so I decided on the word “Redemption.” At the close of that year, I didn’t know what the end of 2017 would look like – but I was hopeful and ready. 

This is my favorite "Best 9" to date! When I look back on the 9 photos – I see the word “redemption” brought to life through photos. This is thanks to the people and places pictured being a BIG part of making the word I wrote down at the end of 2016 a reality in 2017. Seriously, there is a story of redemption for each picture (yes, even the one with the goat). I want make clear though, this was a word that I struggled and wrestled with to live out throughout the year, there wasn’t a clear or easy path – but I was committed to seeing what was on the other side.

One of the albums that stuck with me this year was When I was Younger by Colony House. This whole album made me feel I wasn't alone and my favorite song from the album is “Moving Forward.” I was SO ready to move forward from 2016 and when I listened to this song, I realized I wasn't alone and that it was possible to find redemption.

For anyone who needs the enCOURAGEment to keep moving forward...

My eyes are open,

My heart is beating,

My lungs are full, 

And my body's breathing.

I'm moving forward.

I found my freedom.

I know this sorrow.

I know this heartache.

I know with fear comes a tragic heartbreak.

Well I'm moving forward.

I found my freedom.

I found the life that gives me reason to love.

In the final post in this “series” I will share what I wrote down for 2018 and the word I hope to live out in 2019. Looking back on your previous years, what words would you use to describe them?