Before I Die Wall

“Death is a powerful tool that allows us to rethink our outlook and wakes us up to the things that matter and makes our lives meaningful.” I wrote this sentence down just a little over two years ago. Working within a church you are invested in the lives of people of various life stages and I have found that death goes beyond the loss of a loved one. I realized that that death can occur in our jobs, our relationships, and seasons of life.

My experience with death for most of my life had been very limited. My paternal grandparents had passed when I was very little and my only other experiences came from walking with friends as they experienced the death of loved ones. Then two years ago, I received an unexpected (and unwelcomed) call that didn’t allow me to avoid death anymore but face it straight on. My 40-year-old cousin suddenly passed. I had just talked to her on the phone the week before and now she was gone?

Now very awake to the new outlook that death provides, I watched a Ted Talk two years ago (today!) in a counseling class that made me feel like I wasn’t alone for the first time since my cousin had passed away. 

A woman in New Orleans, Candy Chang, started a community art project after going through a sudden, personal loss. After losing someone she loved very much, she thought about death a lot. This helped to clarify her life, the people she wanted to be with, and the things she wanted to do.

However, she struggled to maintain this perspective and she wondered if others felt the same way. With help from friends, she painted the side of an abandoned house in her neighborhood with chalkboard paint and stenciled it with the sentence: 

"Before I Die I Want To ____________" Anyone walking by could pick up a piece of chalk, reflect on their lives, and share their personal aspirations in a public space.

By the next day, the wall was bursting with handwritten responses and it kept growing. She understood her neighbors in new and enlightening ways and the wall reminded her that she was not alone as she worked to make sense of her life.  

Rethinking how the Church can reach beyond our walls and into the community, I thought about what impact we could make if we actually built a wall in order to (ironically) help break down barriers within our community. This video helped me to get out of my “worry’s me” thinking and inspired me to think about how we could come together as a community.

I immediately started emailing people to see how we can make this project a reality right there in class. By the end of the class, I had already contacted an architect draw up plans for the wall, an artist to come up with the “logo”, and people from the church to get approval. I’m a really great, attentive student if you couldn’t tell…

Not even one hour later I received another unwelcomed call. My grandfather had passed after being diagnosed with terminal cancer three years earlier. Growing up in a single parent home, my grandpa took on the role of father figure in my life and helped to shape who I am today. I vividly remember my grandfather getting on my level to teach me to tie my shoes, pushing me down our cul-de-sac and yelling “PEDAL” to teach me to ride my bike, and conquering the winding roads of North Carolina. I also blame him for my lead foot.

Experiencing two huge losses within five weeks is something I never wish on anyone. However, sharing about this Before I Die wall project allowed people to open up to me around their experiences of loss. You see, the people of Dayton have gone through huge losses recently. Not only the loss of life, but the loss of business and jobs as well. Many people are speculating that "Dayton is a dying city" without much hope. It's easy to get caught up in the day-to-day and forget about what really matters. I realized that this project wasn’t just cathartic for me, but it could really impact a whole community and work to bring us together in this shared, safe space.

There was so much energy around this project and people seemed to come out of the woodwork to make it happen. On a hot July afternoon, a group of people gave up their time to construct the wall. You can see a time-lapsevideo and an explanation here.

We had put the wall in a prominent location on the church grounds where many people passed when going to the Fraze concert venue or just walking through Lincoln Park. Even with this strategery when it came to the location, I remember having a few moments of panic and doubt as the wall was going up. I had no idea how (and IF) the community would respond. My fears washed away quickly as people wanted to write on the wall before we were even finished and in less than 24 hours, the wall was covered with responses. 

It was incredible to see people "reach out" and respond to each other in their messages. One of the most memorable interactions was after someone wrote in the response of before I die I want to... "Stay sober." Someone wrote next to it "One day at a time" while someone else responded with "If I can do it, so can you."

The wall reminded up until after Labor Day. Responses were recorded and listed on a blog that people could follow. The wall continued to be filled with responses on a regular basis engaging a few thousand people throughout the summer. Who would have thought a wall could break down barriers and allow people to realize that they weren’t alone?